7 practices for college success while solo parenting during a deployment

Military spouses create the stability that allows the service member to fully commit to their military career. Our strength gives them peace of mind to stay focused on the mission, knowing life at home is in good hands.

We manage entire households, raise children, and are the glue that holds everything together — regardless of whether our service member is home or halfway across the world. There are no gaps in what we’re capable of. We are really good at this.

Supporting our service members and holding down the home front is deeply meaningful work. But I believe this just as strongly: we cannot leave ourselves behind in the process.

You are still your greatest project.

Our lives can become so consumed by this role that we forget the season of service isn’t permanent. Our spouse’s military service will end, our kids will grow up, and the identity we’ve built around this life will inevitably shift.

Whether it’s education, a career endeavor, entrepreneurship, a creative pursuit or something you’re still figuring out — your future deserves your attention.

For me, that meant going back to college. I did it while navigating TDYs, an ongoing deployment, and long nights parenting alone. Solo parenting is often the most sacrificial part of military spouse life, and one of the main reasons we start believing there’s no room left for ourselves.

I was seven years into military spouse life when I realized this. When I was in the thick of postpartum, raising toddlers, and simply trying to make it through each day, my purpose was in the present. Not only was that normal, but necessary. But once my children reached preschool age, I realized I finally had the capacity to start focusing on myself again.

Here are seven practices that made this pursuit sustainable and helped me keep going even in the hardest seasons.

Include the kids

Letting my children in on the journey created connection. I explained that I was working toward something important for my future, which helped them understand why I was especially busy at times. It also showed them that their dreams and aspirations deserve to be taken seriously too.

When graduation came, they were incredibly proud to watch me walk across that stage because they witnessed the hard work it took to get there.

Don’t overcommit

I never took more than three courses at a time, and several semesters I committed to only two. While I probably could have managed a full course load, surviving something and sustaining it are two different things.

I also took summer breaks to reset and make the most of my kids’ time off from school.

We often fail at things not because we aren’t capable, but because we try to sprint through challenges that were meant to be walked through.

Set goals

I didn’t want school to cost me quality time with my spouse while he was home, so I made it my mission to finish my weekly assignments by Friday. That allowed weekends to be set aside for family time, preparing for the next week, and whatever rest or relaxation I could squeeze in.

Creating space for family time and enjoying life while pursuing my goals mattered just as much as being productive.

Get organized

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

When your child has a parent-teacher conference the same week you have a doctor’s appointment, a flat tire, and a paper due, you’ll be glad you planned ahead.

I took time to map out everything I needed to get done, along with any appointments or responsibilities I had. Writing everything down and creating deadlines for myself helped tremendously. Keep it flexible — this isn’t about being perfect, it’s about giving yourself a solid game plan.

Work in pockets

I’m not one to wake up early to work while my kids are asleep or stay up late after they go to bed. What worked for me instead was finding pockets of time to get an hour of work done here and there.

My daughter’s weekly dance class became one of those pockets. I brought my laptop and headphones, and found myself surprisingly productive with fewer distractions since I was away from home.

Those small pockets of time added up.

Don’t forget joy

Just like it’s important not to disappear into life as a military spouse, don’t forget to make room for joy while working toward your goals.

For me, that looked like ending the day curled up with my Kindle and a book I couldn’t wait to get back to. Other times, it meant stepping away mid-assignment to get fresh air or catch up with a friend.

Keep the vision

This will be challenging, and at times you’ll doubt your decision, but there is something deeply empowering about proving to yourself what you’re capable of.

At the start of each semester, when I was adjusting to my spouse’s changing work schedule, a brand-new course load, and a new season of parenting, I often found myself thinking, “I don’t know if I can do it this time.”

However, I proved to myself that I was capable of more than I thought. Each completed semester reminded me that I could do it again.

And no matter how overwhelming things felt, I kept coming back to the reason I started.

Reach your goal

Recently, I graduated from Colorado State University with a bachelor’s degree in journalism and media communication while my husband watched from the Middle East through a livestream.

And my hope for you is that you remember your dreams, aspirations and future are worth fighting for.

There may be seasons where you put your head down and sacrifice more free time than you’d like, but one day you’ll look back and realize you didn’t just accomplish something — you grew into a version of yourself you’re deeply proud of.